When a Student Says, “Please Don’t Tell My Parents”

Navigating New Hampshire’s New Laws and ASCA Ethical Standards

A workshop reference for New Hampshire school counselors‍  ‍
Melissa Coffey, PsyD, and Devon Church, M.Ed. | Coffey Talk PLLC‍  ‍
Prepared October 17, 2026

Two requests. One decision-making framework.

“Please don’t tell my parents.”

“I’d like information about my child.”

School counselors must consider:

  • Law: What must—or must not—be shared?

  • Ethics: How do ASCA standards guide the response?

  • Context: How was the information obtained?

  • Safety: Could disclosure put the student at risk?

  • Consultation: Who should be involved before deciding?

Educational guidance only. Follow current law, district procedures, and advice from district legal counsel.

Two laws, two effective dates

July 1, 2025: RSA 189-B:6

Parental Bill of Rights exception

  • Chapter 189-B does not require disclosure of information shared with specified counseling or health professionals when it was reasonably expected to be privileged.

  • The chapter does not authorize abuse, neglect, or unlawful parental conduct.

  • It does not prevent officials from performing court, law enforcement, or child welfare duties.

  • For counselors:

  • Consider the setting and expectations surrounding the communication.

  • Distinguish counseling disclosures from information learned through other school duties.

  • Consult district administration or district lawyers about privilege and records access.

Legal review needed: This exception does not automatically protect every counseling conversation or record, or resolve obligations under other laws.

Read RSA 189-B:6

January 1, 2027: SB 430 / Chapter 248

Honesty and Transparency in Education Act — RSA 189:13-e

  • Applies to NH Department of Education credentialed educators responding to written parental or guardian inquiries about their child.

  • Requires a complete, honest response within 10 business days, except where disclosure is prohibited by state or federal law. (This guideline is only for written requests from parents or guardians)

  • If a response would, in the credential holder’s good-faith determination, create an imminent risk of abuse or neglect, the holder must report to the superintendent, and the request must be denied in writing.

  • Educator ethics and conduct rules must be amended by June 30, 2027.

  • Violations may trigger an educator conduct investigation.

Prepare now: Establish request tracking, response procedures, and timely legal consultation.

Read Chapter 248

Three safety standards to keep distinct

  • SB 430: Imminent risk of abuse or neglect → superintendent report and written denial upon effectiveness.

  • Child protection law: Reason to suspect abuse or neglect → immediate report to the department; written follow-up within 48 hours if requested.

  • ASCA ethics: Serious and foreseeable harm to the student or others → consider disclosure in accordance with legal and policy requirements.

    A superintendent report does not replace a required child protection report. Consultation must not delay immediate reporting or emergency action.

Reporting duty · Reporting procedure

ASCA ethics: core responsibilities

  • Explain counseling and confidentiality limits in age-appropriate language.

  • Seek student assent when appropriate.

  • Protect private student information.

  • Recognize parents’ and guardians’ rights and support family communication.

  • Consider each student’s circumstances before disclosure.

  • Consult when legal, ethical, or policy obligations appear to conflict.

Remember: Ethical confidentiality and legal privilege are different. Neither alone determines a parent’s access rights.

ASCA Ethical Standards

Supporting LGBTQ+ students

  • Listen, support, and offer unconditional positive regard.

  • Promote safety, inclusion, and healthy development.

  • Take concerns about parental reactions seriously.

  • Assess specific risks rather than making assumptions about families.

  • Review applicable notification laws and district guidance.

  • Use safety planning, consultation, and reporting when warranted.

  • ASCA cautions against outing students. Its guidance does not independently establish a legal basis under NH law to disclose or withhold information.

Before disclosing: a practical checklist

  • Discuss/put into practice visual cues and verbal conversation regarding limits to confidentiality, including gender and sexual orientation.

  • Address safety. Take required emergency or reporting action immediately.

  • Clarify the request. Verify who is asking, their authority, and what they want. Track deadlines.

  • Advocate with policymakers for direct communication expectations to be defined within the school counseling role that do not conflict with ASCA ethical standards or outside clinical licensure.

  • Check the rules. Review applicable law, FERPA, district policy, and confidentiality requirements.

  • Listen to the student. Explore concerns about disclosure and the facts supporting them.

  • Consult. Involve supervisors, administrators, and district counsel as appropriate.

  • Respond. Confirm the legal basis, required process, and who will communicate the decision.

  • Document and follow up. Record the rationale, consultation, actions, and student support plan.

  • Provide resources to the student and the family to ensure student safety is the top priority.

*Adapted from the workshop framework; not a statutory test or approved district protocol.

Apply five lenses

  • Ethics: What do professional standards require?

  • Values: How might my beliefs influence the decision?

  • Licensure: What does my credential require?

  • District expectations: What written guidance applies?

  • Consultation: Who needs to be involved?

Simple language to adapt

To a student:

“Thank you for telling me. What worries you about your parents knowing? Let’s talk about privacy limits and the support you need.”

To a parent:

“Thank you for your written request. I’m reviewing the information and applicable requirements so we can respond within the required timeline.”

Have district counsel review scripts. An acknowledgment does not replace a required response.

Workshop survey: preparation gaps

  • 32 respondents | September 22–October 6, 2026

  • 40.6% reported no district guidance on the January 2027 requirements; 21.9% were unsure.

  • 34.4% reported no guidance on sexual orientation or gender identity/expression disclosures; 40.6% were unsure.

  • 65.6% reported no district discussion of school counselor ethical standards.

  • Small convenience sample—not statewide estimates. The slides also note export limitations.

Suggested steps before January 1, 2027

  • Audit policies. Review requests, confidentiality, consent, records, and reporting.

  • Include counseling teams. Bring student support staff into policy review.

  • Publish practical guidance. Provide scripts, protocols, and flowcharts.

  • Train by role. Practice realistic disclosure and safety scenarios.

  • Name consultation contacts. Identify legal and administrative contacts, backups, and escalation procedures.

  • Turn shared concerns into action

  • Collaborate across counseling, education, health, administration, and legal teams.

  • Gather de-identified questions and recurring case themes.

  • Develop shared recommendations and model guidance.

  • Inform lawmakers and state education leaders.

  • Review and improve procedures after implementation.

Before deciding: What does your framework say, and who should you consult?

Keep these resources close

- [New Hampshire Parental Bill of Rights](https://gc.nh.gov/rsa/html/XV/189-B/189-B-mrg.htm), including the [RSA 189-B:6 exceptions](https://gc.nh.gov/rsa/html/XV/189-B/189-B-6.htm).

- [Chapter 248 / SB 430 final law](https://gc.nh.gov/bill_status/legacy/bs2016/billText.aspx?id=1194&sy=2026&txtFormat=pdf&v=current) and [official bill status](https://gc.nh.gov/bill_status/billinfo.aspx?id=1194&inflect=2).

- [ASCA Ethical Standards](https://schoolcounselor.org/About-School-Counseling/Ethical-Responsibilities/ASCA-Ethical-Standards-for-School-Counselors-%281%29) and [Ethics FAQs](https://www.schoolcounselor.org/About-School-Counseling/Ethical-Responsibilities/FAQs).

*Primary source: the 24-page workshop presentation, “When a Student Says, ‘Please Don’t Tell My Parents’: Navigating New Hampshire’s New Laws and ASCA Ethical Standards,” by Melissa Coffey, PsyD, and Devon Church, M.Ed. The checklist and sample language are editorial adaptations. We checked legal summaries and resource links against official sources on October 17, 2026; recheck implementation guidance before use.

Slides